About two months ago, I was diagnosed with both ADHD and ASD. Two different therapists suspected I had ADHD, and one of them suspected ASD as well, but the analysis was SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE that I couldn’t be sure at the time. This uncertainty bothered me for ages, until my current therapist raised the same suspicions and encouraged me to explore other options. After a lot of searching and stressing, I was able to book a consultation with a neuropsychopedagogue who gave me a referral for tests specifically for these two conditions. The process was so quick that I honestly had doubts, as a full evaluation usually takes around two months, but these tests were done in two sessions. Still, there wasn’t much more I could do (I’d like to get a complete evaluation when I can afford it). When I took my report to the psychiatrist, he confirmed the diagnosis and prescribed medication for ADHD.
Ever since I became aware of the suspected conditions, I started seeking information. I identified heavily with some of the symptoms, though not as much with others, especially those related to Autism. I always try to stay skeptical since I know so many hypochondriacs. Honestly it feels strange for me to even identify with something as significant as a disorder.
Side note: In my report, there was one more factor contributing to the ASD diagnosis, called Alexithymia and Masking, but I’ll dive into that in another post.
I started taking the meds, and at first, it was HORRIBLE. There were a lot of side effects; my body felt numb, I was sleepy, drained of energy, and even had impulsive suicidal thoughts (yes, the prescription warned that could happen). I was almost giving up on that shit if it weren’t for my therapist and my best friend, who, along with my parents, were the only ones who knew about my conditions. Eventually, the side effects started to lighten and then disappeared. About two weeks ago, I increased the dose and HOLY SHIT, I found myself actually DOING STUFF.
I’m not on stimulants because, apparently they can worsen anxiety, so the effects didn’t kick in right away. But when I realized I could sit through an ENTIRE online class and actually UNDERSTAND what was being said, bro it was frustrating to think how limited I’ve been without this medication. Not only that, but I also noticed a significant improvement in my drawing, designing, and writing (outside of hyperfocus episodes).
I feel very positive about the treatment and the whole diagnosis process. I finally understand a lot of things that used to bother me about myself, which has helped me either manage or accept them. I'm working on making my everyday life more comfortable, especially with regard to the ASD, and slowly stopping the pressure to fit the mold of a "normal" human being. By doing that, I’m starting to feel more like... me.